The world is full of mistakes. The list is vast, the list is long and includes things like the fact that The Bachelor has more than two seasons under its belt and don’t even get me started about the decision to put raw onions on the McRib. But, there’s one misstep that is making a blitzkrieg march towards the top and that particular item is basically how we fucked up, well, fucking.
Now, before I really get into this I wanted to cut off some predictable criticisms at the pass. If you happen to be in a loving relationship with the first person you slept with, kudos, I’m genuinely happy for you. But, in my eyes, you’re the exception. You won the jackpot while a majority of people out there are trying to get their big love payout via smaller bets and wins. Okay, moving on.
Recently I witnessed someone who I don’t really know but whom I know of being called out in a ridiculously public way. I won’t say that some of these comments aren’t unwarranted, but there was a specific set of barbs that were directed at the choice this person had made to sleep with multiple people. They were being slut-shamed. A practice that I find appalling.
Allow me to explain. Sex is as basic of a biological function as eating, drinking, and breathing. The only real difference is that it generally involves another person. More importantly though, it’s fun, most of the time. Somewhere along the lines we’ve put sex on a pedestal. We’ve turned it into a holy grail. Everyone has heard the sayings, “Save yourself for marriage” “Only sleep with someone you really care about” and so on. I’m here saying that, maybe this isn’t right and further more, it’s damaging.
Like I said, sex is fun. Want to know what else is fun? Riding bikes, listening to music, taking a drive without any destination, playing video games, reading books, etc. Now how would you respond if someone told you that you could only ever read one book, play one game, listen to one song, for the rest of your life? How would your mind alter if you knew that you could only do one of those things forever and then had to try and find that object to devote your time to? You’d become obsessed, tormented by the thought that maybe you won’t find it, unsure if it’s even possible. Now, let’s take it a bit further. Say that in the process of finding this final hobby, you decide to experiment a little. Last week you tried out crocheting, the week before that you gave home brewing a shot, this week you think collecting glass figurines of clowns is the right way to go. Then someone catches wind of your toe dipping and then calls you out on it. They say you’re living an immoral life, they come up with names to degrade you, to break you down, all because you discovered what was fun and wanted to do it more.
Some people I work with have heard me say this: “It’s the moral responsibility of everyone between 18 and 23 to be sluts.” Yes, this is the distilled, sloganized version of my actual philosophy behind sex, but the long version isn’t much different. Even if you remove sex from the holy pedestal it’s been placed on, it’s still important. There’s a reason why magazines, talk shows, and websites exist to discuss it at length. Shouldn’t we as a people inform ourselves as much as possible about sex and what better education is there other than experience? It’s a treacherous place out there, especially when it comes to sex, so going out there trying to find love, without knowing what sex is like is a recipe for disaster.
I know what you’re saying. “Jonathan, are you suggesting we should all cheat on each other and the streets should be giant orgies.” Well, the orgy thing might be interesting to see, I’m not condoning infidelity. Instead, I’m suggesting that with a more practical view on sex the choice to become monogamous means so much more. Think about hunger strikes. What makes them poignant is because someone believes so much in a cause that they are willing to deny themselves a basic desire to achieve it. The same principle applies to sex. If you love someone so much that you are willing to deny yourself a primal urge, doesn’t that say more than simply because that’s how it’s supposed to be.
Also, before I wrap this up. I’m fully aware that sex comes with certain dangers and those shouldn’t be ignored. Use protection, get your vaccinations, get tested and be open about your history. And if you happen to have similar opinions about sex as I do, be aware that there are those who think differently than you and will tell you no, accept that, no questions.
There’s another thing I want to bring up that is only loosely connected to this but I don’t think I have enough to say on it to devote a whole blog to, so I apologize if this seems tacked on. Please, for the love of Pete, enough with this Friend Zone thing. People are not vending machines, you don’t insert friendship and pull out sex. There are some people who no matter what you do, will not fuck you. So, entering into a friendship with someone for ultimate purpose of sleeping with them is misguided at best and downright deplorable at worst. Friendship for the sake of sex is a form of extortion where you’re holding your companionship over the person in question.
We live in a world that is filled with things that can stress you out. Some are reasonable and unavoidable. But sex doesn’t have to be one of them. Go out, have your fun. And to those who think it’s acceptable to criticize and condemn those who don’t have the same views on sex as you, stop. It’s uncalled for and those people probably have better stories than you anyways.