A Letter To An Important Person

I wrote this awhile ago in a fit of ridiculousness, there was a time when I thought that maybe this could be a submission to a very specific publication but, after careful consideration and a healthy dose of reality I realized that this was just too silly for anything other than this blog.


             I’d like to start off this letter with an admission. Everything I’m about to say is based on an assumption: You are an incredibly vain person but, not without admirable qualities that I aspire to have myself

I often wonder about the thoughts that went through your head. After years of popping squats, taking The Browns to the Super Bowl, dropping the kids off at the pool and so on, it occurred to you that there was something important missing from the experience; a blind spot you may say. Then it dawned on you: Evacuating your bowels and bladder is an empty practice without a clear view of your own genitals. Continue reading