Sluts Will Save Us All

The world is full of mistakes. The list is vast, the list is long and includes things like the fact that The Bachelor has more than two seasons under its belt and don’t even get me started about the decision to put raw onions on the McRib. But, there’s one misstep that is making a blitzkrieg march towards the top and that particular item is basically how we fucked up, well, fucking. Continue reading

Jesus, We Should Talk

First off, please don’t call me a backslider. I know that if you consider just the part of my life that matters to you, backslider is the appropriate term, I get that. The more appropriate term for me should be born again atheist. Yes, I agree that that makes me seem like the edgy cool kid from a 90s teen drama about “alternative lifestyles”, I’ve come to terms with that but, as the phrase suggests I think there’s a version of my story that you don’t know, because I don’t really buy into the whole omnipotent thing. Continue reading

Murphy’s Pub

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Recently I’ve been reading a wonderful book called Come Here Often by Sean Manning & many others. (which can be purchased here) It’s a wonderful book of essays about the writers’ favorite bars, or at least the bars that hold a certain place in their hearts. This has inspired me to write about a certain bar from my own history and what position it holds in my own sorted past.

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                I hate Murphy’s Pub. I hate just about everything about it. From the cheap shots that they pour down the patron’s throats, to the barely legible bass heavy music, to the Discovery Channel-esque feral display that is commonplace on the weekends. It’s a place where souls go to sleep for a night and the decisions made by drunken synapses run supreme. It exists where it should not and like an open sore it festers there. The people who frequent it are vapid, aggressive, sex crazed, shameless, and blind.

                And goddamn if I don’t wish I could be one of them again. Continue reading

A Letter To An Important Person

I wrote this awhile ago in a fit of ridiculousness, there was a time when I thought that maybe this could be a submission to a very specific publication but, after careful consideration and a healthy dose of reality I realized that this was just too silly for anything other than this blog.

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             I’d like to start off this letter with an admission. Everything I’m about to say is based on an assumption: You are an incredibly vain person but, not without admirable qualities that I aspire to have myself

I often wonder about the thoughts that went through your head. After years of popping squats, taking The Browns to the Super Bowl, dropping the kids off at the pool and so on, it occurred to you that there was something important missing from the experience; a blind spot you may say. Then it dawned on you: Evacuating your bowels and bladder is an empty practice without a clear view of your own genitals. Continue reading

So You’re On The Overnight Shift Ch.3: Conflict Management.

Now that you’re familiar with the basics of the employer and employee relationship and, assumingly, you haven’t ran off yet, it’s time to learn about some other important relationships and how they can go horrifyingly wrong.

Sometimes, no matter how stellar your service is, there will be conflict with your customers. This is natural, especially at the time when the body is desperate for REM sleep and a chemical reset. We hope that our tips will help you come out of these conflicts with everyone satisfied and no one injured. Continue reading

The Pride Of Being The Starting Catcher/Center Fielder/Third Baseman/Second Baseman

In just a few days, filled with restless sleep filled with feverish hallucinations of bloodied bodies and beer sedated eyes, the Jackson County men’s league softball playoffs will be upon me. I will step up to the plate, take my spot by third base (or wherever I have to due to babysitter issues, overtime, a fight with a girlfriend or a myriad of other reasons behind an absence), and try to forget that I play on the worst team in all the land. Continue reading

I’m doing this again.

So, as you may have noticed, the blog has been pretty silent as of late. I’m ridiculously sorry about that because I do enjoy blogging. The problem is that whenever my plate starts filling up it always seems that this is the thing that tends to get pushed off, kind of like peas. Unless you don’t like peas, in that case just fill in that analogy with whatever delicious food you want.

The good news though, my plate just became a little bit clearer because I finally finished my very first collection of short stories. Which I want to announce right now.

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Fear And Feathers: Tales of Fantasy In Unexpected Places is now available for download on Amazon.

I’m really proud of this collection. In all intent and purposes it’s my first real attempt at doing any sort of genre fiction which in itself was a challenge, which means I’d really like to know what you guys think. If you decide to pick it up, I’d absolutely love to know your thoughts either through a review or just a simple comment here.

Like always, any support is appreciated. I truly mean that, I know it seems like everyone is appreciative, but for me, being as independent as a person can actually be, every single share, comment, purchase means the world to me. So thank you in advance.